Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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