I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
