Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If I die, sorry about rent.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
