he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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