Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i think my cat just said my name.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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