Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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