Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
