Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
