And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
