my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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