dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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