I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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