I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
