I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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