im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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