You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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