Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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