How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
