well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Never joke about your clitoris.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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