Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
