Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
