Welp...herpes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
