The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I supernannyed him into submission
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
