I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just pee around me
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
