Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
