I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
