Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
