you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
