Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
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