I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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