After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
