did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
