sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
