He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
