i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
