So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
