Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
