a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
