I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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