good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
