Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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