"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
