we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
