He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
