I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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