the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
