You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
