she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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