Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
