my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We need to get me chipped asap
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
