Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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