I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
