im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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