rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
